Is God a Total Fucktard?

His Worshipers Believe that he is a Total Fucktard

God forbids adultery. Adultery includes any sex performed out of wedlock. The punishment for adultery is death. Jesus makes it clear that adultery is THE most heinous sin, worse even than murder. Any man who divorces his wife and remarries, other than for his wife's adultery, commits adultery. Any woman who divorces and then remarries is an adulteress. Despite that most Christians enjoy adultery to the full. Fundamentalist evangelical Christian ministers are among the worst offenders. Yet all these Christians, these God-loving Christians, pretend it doesn't matter. They kid themselves that God doesn't notice or that he doesn't care. They're all confident of a place in heaven.

This might be because of the story of Jesus forgiving the woman who was accused of adultery. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." They conveniently overlook the next bit – "And sin not again." And because Christians are too lazy to read their Bibles or study their religion they're unaware that John XXXX is a forgery. It was interpolated hundreds of years after the New Testament was signed, sealed and delivered. Some Bible societies are discreetly dropping John XXXX from their latest print runs. Check the margins of the New American Standard Bible if you doubt my word.

God forbids homosexuality. The punishment for homosexuality is death. Jesus doesn't mention homosexuality by name but he raves on and on about fornication and the fires of hell. Despite that, homosexuals indulge in gay sex to their heart's content. They convince themselves the God won't notice or that he doesn't care. They're all confident of a place in heaven.

Moslems have a cute way of getting around the adultery problem. They practice a form of temporary marriage where the devout man pays a sum of money to the parents of the girl – sometimes as young as eight – to marry her and fuck her for an agreed length of time. The marriage ceremony is performed by a mullah who is paid to intercede with God who grants permission for the temporary marriage. The minimum term of the marriage is one week. After the devout Moslem has shot his load for an agreed number of times he returns the girl to the parents who marry her off to the next pervert.

Gay Moslems have got it all figured out too. They can employ young "dancing boys" to entertain them. The young boys are the Moslem equivalent of Japanese Geisha girls. They are trained from an early age to entertain wealthy Sheiks and Imans and anyone with the money to pay for their services. The pretty little boys are sold by their parents and then traded between wealthy Arabs but they become less valuable the older they become. By age eighteen they are no longer of service but with a little bit of luck they've put some of their earnings aside for a rainy day.

Fundamentalist Jews have found unique ways of getting around the second commandment which forbids work on the Sabbath. God insists that anyone caught working on Saturday be stoned to death. Work includes such things as preparing a sandwich, driving a car, bathing, shaving, cooking, cutting the lawn, and pressing the traffic light button of a pedestrian crossing. But the canny Jews have figured out ways of tricking God. Several Israeli factories manufacture devices that are voice operated. A fundamentalist Jew can make a phone call by shouting at his phone to obey certain commands and dial certain numbers. Shouting isn't considered work, so technically he's not breaking God's law. They've got wheel chairs that are driven by compressed air and can be operated by leaning forward, and to the left or the right. Leaning is not considered work and so once again they've defeated God.

But best of all is an idea for dedicated indulgency compounds within each major city. Within these compounds God suspends the second commandment altogether. Jews are allowed to prepare food, shower, shave, wash their cars, make phone calls, use their computers and generally perform whatever work is considered necessary. Inside the indulgency compounds Jews can work their balls off on the Sabbath, but one step outside and all work must cease. It can be a bit inconvenient because they're not allowed to drive out to the indulgency compound on Saturdays, they must arrive before midnight on Friday. Even so, if you're a business executive who needs to work around the clock seven days a week, worth the trip I'd say.

I don't know which deity it is that these crafty sleazy god-suckers worship, but he must be a total fucktard if he can be fooled that easily.

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