"Either we kill religion or religion kills us."

Christians have been brainwashed to worship a walking corpse, a zombie. Chances are, if you're a member of a Christian family your brain has been polluted with the same superstitious nonsense. Let me tell you something, something that you already know but are in denial about:– corpses don't spring back to life, especially after they've been dead for three days in the Mediteranean heat and their brain has turned to mush – maggot fodder.

Sure, someone can slip beneath the ice and be resussitated but that's not what happened to your Jesus thing is it. Jesus was the walking dead, like something out of a Michael Jackson video. Christians argue, "Through 'God' all things are possible". No they're not, and you know damned well they're not. If all things are possible through God, how come you're not on your knees praying to God to cure the sick children in Westmead hospital? I'll answer that for you – even if a thousand devout Christians pray for a full year, begging God to save the sick children, those that science can cure will live, those that science can't cure will die or remain sick. And you know it.

A billion Catholics praying to God to ease the suffering of the previous Pope made not a scrap of difference. He relied on painkilling drugs to keep his Parkinsons at bay. God was too busy picking his nose to notice the Pope trembling and wobbling around Vatican Palace. When Mother Teresa was ill did she rely on God or did she travel first-class to Los Angeles to be operated on by American surgeons? You already know the answer.

"Nothing fails like prayer!"

What is the point of this rave? I'll tell you – forty-two percent the population of the United States of America believes that we're in the "end times". As a matter of fact I believe that too, but for different reasons. Christian fundamentalists are convinced that nuclear war is prophesied in Revelations whereas I'm convinced Revelations was penned by a paranoid schizophrenic on a bad day. John of Patmos couldn't predict when he'd next soil his knickers letalone predict an event two thousand years hence.

I believe we're in the end times because people are too stupid to prevent it. People believe precisely what they're told to believe, that's why your parents and teachers worship a walking corpse – a zombie, because they were manipulated as children and brainfilled with nonsense. Actually your parents and teachers aren't stupid, they're probably quite intelligent, but intelligence is wasted on people who don't use it. Most adults allow priests, pastors, imans and sheikhs to sodomise their brains, to pump their brains full of religious pus. And through that slimey, sticky goo they view the world and make decisions that will result in global nuclear war. Old people have had their lives, it's up to you to decide whether you deserve a life, or not.

If you decide you have a right to live, then you must do something to reverse the perilous course the world is on. 2011 will be a pivotal year. North Korea is glaring at South Korea down the barrel of a nuclear gun and so the USA sends its biggest and mightiest aircraft carrier to stir things up a bit. Why are there two separate Koreas? No one really knows. Back in 1950 the USA and its allies went to war prevent the south going communist. There was no chance of a "domino effect" because Korea is a peninsula. Hundreds of thousands of people died to protect cod. Imagine how the USA would respond if Korea decided to occupy south Florida. The result of America's war obsession is that South Korea and Japan could be nuked at any moment, and before long America itself will be within range. Good one America.

Taiwan is another nuclear flashpoint. The USA tells China to stay out of Taiwan, even though Taiwan is Chinese. Imagine how the USA would respond if China ordered America to keep its hands off Hawaii.

Meanwhile the USA wimpers instructions to Israel to stop building new settlements on Palestinian land and Israel responds, "Shut the fuck up". America obeys. It donates $4 billion dollars a year towards Israel's "defense" budget. With its tail between its legs, the USA does exactly what Israel tells it to do. Soon Israel will command the USA to nuke Iran and the USA will obey. Over to the right and down a bit, India and Pakistan are itching to nuke each other to smithereens and fortunately for them, God is on both sides. The elephant God, Ganish, will save Hindus while Mohammed rides in on his flying horse to save Muslims. So, nothing to worry about there. China won't object to tons of nuclear debris raining down on its cities.

Why does the USA, with our help, do everything humanly possible to drive the world towards nuclear annihilation? I'll tell you why. Because according to fundamentalist Christians, nuclear annihilation is prophesied in the Bible. 'God' wants to incinerate every man, woman, child and baby, and every beautiful creature. But guess what, "born again" Christians will be OK because they're going to be "raptured" into the sky to meet Jesus. Yep, as Jesus plummets down to Earth they're going to be sucked upwards to meet Jesus mid way.

"G'day Jesus, how are your maggots?"

It's true! It's really going to happen. You do believe it don't you? Oh, you don't? Well then, doesn't it bother you that top military personnel are right behind the idea? Commanders and crews of nuclear submarines, pilots and crews of stealth bombers, pairs of Baptist boys down missile silos, programmers of Pentagon and Norad computers – they believe it. They are gleefully looking forward to carrying out God's will. God wants them to initiate 'Armageddon' – the destruction of all life on planet Earth. Well, all life except for them.

And you thought the 9/11 terrorists were mad! Ha! Those guys were pussy cats compared to the fundamentalist Christians who decide your destiny.

What the world needs now, needs desperately, is sound, rational thinking people. We need people who can see beyond religious hocus pocus. We need people who refuse to die in a nuclear holocaust without a fight. Old people like me won't be any use, we're part of the problem. This is up to young people. And so I've formed the Atheist Scouts and Guides Association.

Apart from saving the planet from nuclear destruction, what else will we do? Well, we'll enjoy ourselves. We'll organise ferry trips into the city, scenic walks, picnics, barbecues and harbour cruises. During the winter months we'll hold (alcohol and drug free) discos. To become a member of ASGA you need to be aged between ten and eighteen. Older than that and you can help me run the show. Help me organise events. All races are welcome, agnostics are welcome, as are heterosexuals, bisexuals and gay boys and gurls. We make no distinctions on the grounds of race or sexual orientation. But listen up people, we're not the Catholic Church. We don't approve of pedophilia. Adults who want to molest children should become priests, stay away from this organisation.

Young Person's Guide to Sex and God
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